Proverbs 29:1 “Whoever is stubborn after being corrected (rebuked, criticized, instructed) many times will suddenly be hurt beyond cure.” (NCV,NIV,NLT) I believe Solomon was talking to the alcoholics of his time when he wrote this verse although it applies to anyone who lets stubbornness get in the way of being teachable and experiencing recovery. Many of us in recovery are very sensitive folk and because of that we have a tendency to not listen when others are trying to help us. For some, this ”hypersensitive” characteristic can lead to death, or in my case it led to mental, physical and spiritual bankruptcy. I had reached a point where I was no longer teachable as I resented any type of criticism. I know lots of people, whether they are in or out of recovery, who simply cannot handle any form of criticism and/or instruction whether it be constructive, destructive, or not even meant for them…can you say “selfish, self centered?”
One saying around the rooms of AA is “take what you want and leave the rest.” This is a great way to handle any type of instruction whether it is critical or not. Deciding what you want to take requires processing and an open mind. It requires the ability to take yourself out of the equation and not take what was said personally but instead take it as a lesson you need to learn or a lesson you need to leave for someone else to learn. If you are uncomfortable by what was said there is a good chance you needed to hear it. I learned a long time ago that the phrase “no pain, no gain” applied to me in most aspects of my life. Growth requires pain and pain is created by something uncomfortable happening like a rebuke, instruction or criticism. If you are early in recovery, it is important to have a sponsor/mentor help you understand and discern the various types of criticism.
I used to live to argue and argue to live. Today I live to learn, and learn to live. I’ve learned to agree to disagree and there have been a few instances where I find myself a few years later ageeing to agree. Recovery is a process and one of the keys is to be teachable.
P.E.A.C.E.
