YOURSELF! This thought came to me as I was listening to a close friend share her most recent victory with me in her continuing quest to grow beyond the beliefs and bondage of her past.
On more than one occassion I’ve talked about our beliefs and how they control our thoughts and our thoughts are the reason for our actions and until we change our beliefs we will continue to do the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over again.
I’ve had so many “belief adjustments” over the years it’s not even funny. I can remember having the belief that you had to keep your head down while swinging the golf club and could never understand why my golf was so inconsistent until I finally got a golf lesson from a professional and found you need to keep your head still and not necessarily “down.” When I kept my head down, my stance was stooped over and my balance was out of whack. This is just one very minor example of a hundred or so belief adjustments I’ve made over the years.
The title of this blog is a slant on Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Covey’s 5th Habit is “Seek first to understand and then to be understood.” If you are struggling with winning friends and influencing people the 5th Habit is huge, but if you don’t first “seek to understand yourself” and understand why you think the way you think and act the way you act…you will not win many friends nor influence many people. In fact, usually the opposite takes place. Test yourself, make a list of all the people you don’t like and refuse to love and have control issues with…the goal should be zero (0).
Covey spends a great amount of time in the first 90 or so pages of his book focusing on helping the reader figure out why he or she believes, decides and acts the way they do.
As most of you know, I am a huge supporter of the 12 Steps from Alcoholics Anonymous (you don’t have to be an alcoholic to benefit from them). The first 9 steps are all about trusting God and cleaning house and during the “house cleaning” we usually figure out why we behave the way we do. In fact at the end of the explanation of the 9th Step in The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, we are given a list of promises that will take place if we work the steps and some of the more notable promises pertaining to this topic include: “…We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.” In others words
The great news is once we understand ourselves, we can begin to correct our beliefs and subsequent actions and in turn better understand others and have the confidence and courage to let others better understand us. And then we win friends and influence people with very little effort. (If you are saying to yourself “I could care less about winning friends and influencing people…re-read the promises above and the Proverbs below. Our maker wants us to love and be in positive relationships with everyone we come in contact with…ouch!)
The last couple of days of Proverbs have been laced with scripture about understanding. “A mocker seeks wisdom and never finds it, but knowledge comes easily to those with understanding.” (Prov. 14-6). “The prudent understand where they are going, but fools deceive themselves.” (Prov. 14-8). “People with understanding control their anger, a hot temper shows great foolishness.” (Prov. 14:29) “Wisdom is enshrined in an understanding heart; wisdom is not found among fools.” (Prov. 14-33) “If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding.” (Prov. 15:32) “The wise are known for their understanding and pleasant words are persuasive.” (Prov. 16:21) “
I’m not going to sugar-coat my summary to this blog. People in constant turmoil with others and the world have not taken the time to name the common denominator in each of their tumultuous situations. Until they finally say to themselves “I have found the enemy and it is ME and my beliefs,” they will never get better.
My friend whom I referred to in the beginning of the blog shared with me that she recently encountered a family situation where normally she would have lost her serenity but instead had peace through the entire situation. She had been working with her counselor for 3 years for this breakthrough moment and it finally happened. I followed with, “isn’t it more enjoyable being a spectator at a “circus” than a participant?”
Understand what I’m saying?
P.E.A.C.E.
