September is National Recovery Month.
The focus of my blogs throughout the month of September will be on addiction and its life destroying tendencies. The writings derive from my own personal experiences of battling addiction and living a life of recovery.
These specific writings are focused on the ACTÂ acronym.
ACTÂ leads to sobriety…
A – Acknowledge you have a problem and you are powerless over it and you need help.
CÂ – Connect with a power greater than you and people who have solutions that will help you conquer your problem.
T – Take positive, recovery-oriented action every day.
Early in the month we focused on the Acknowledge and Connect phases of recovery and recently we’ve been looking at what it means to Take positive, recovery-oriented action every day.
Today is a continuation of yesterday’s post (September 26).
Thank God I was in a safe place when I met with the DEA agent. When our meeting was over, I was as low as I’ve ever been in my life.
After the meeting, I had a special one-on-one session with my counselor. Up to this point my counselor had been quite firm and direct with me as she was trying to break through a pretty thick shield of denial.
She could tell that my conversation with Fred had given me more reality than I could handle. I could no longer deny what my choices and addiction had caused.
I pretty much sat, cried, and blubbered dark views of my future to her.
Views like, “I’m going to jail. My family will disown me. My wife will leave me. I will never practice pharmacy again. My kids will be screwed up because of my screw ups. The people in my hometown will think I’m a joke.” ETC…
All throughout this session, she kept reminding me that I was projecting. That none of what I said was certain to happen and I needed to stay in today and not journey into tomorrow.
She also reminded me that God was the ultimate judge and my thoughts about going to jail should be turned over to Him every time they entered my mind.
That night I couldn’t sleep. I laid in bed looking at the ceiling of the room I shared with another alcoholic/drug addict. I could not believe where my actions had led me and what I had become.
I was always an energetic, goal driven, action-taking type of person, and now I felt paralyzed and as low as whale dung on the bottom of the ocean floor.
After tossing and turning in bed for a couple of hours, I went downstairs to a lounge area. The only visual recollection I have of that moment is the orange vinyl that was used to cover the chairs and couches of institutional settings back in those days.
As I sat on the orange couch in the treatment center lounge, I had a talk with God and it went something like this.
God, you and I have kind of had an on again, off again relationship. There’s been times where I have totally turned my back on you because I felt you did the same to me. I would like to have a clean slate with you going forward.
From this point forward, I am willing to give you my all. If somehow you can use me to prevent another person from ever feeling the pain I’m feeling at this point in my life, I am in. I will never deny you again. Use me as you need me.
I didn’t know it then, but I know it now…my life had started over in that moment. I had taken a major action step by turning my entire life over to God.
My faith of convenience had turned into a faith of commitment.
As I look back on that day in my life, my truth to Fred and the TRUTH Jesus provides, had absolutely set me free. I had a clean slate going forward.
But there was one key aspect of recovery I needed to thoroughly understand…I will share about that tomorrow.
Psalm 121:2, My help comes from the Lord. The make of heaven and earth.
P.E.A.C.E
Jay@EagleLaunch.com
