Acceptance

I received an email from a friend asking for some advice about acceptance.  He shared how he is going through a difficult time with a sibling.

One of several defects of character of mine that came to the surface while going through the 12 Steps for the first time was my desire to control or be in control of everything.  An awful way to learn just how little control you have over anything other than your attitude and effort is to experience personal tragedy through the death or severe illness of someone you love.

This happened to me with my son Jordan.  After being born “normal” he suddenly took a turn for the worse and we came very close to losing him and in spite of surviving he suffered brain damage.  Eighteen months later, because of my unwillingness to deal with the reality of Jordan’s situation and the fact I could not fathom the thought I had absolutely no control over Jordan’s fate, my drug and alcohol problems escalated out of control to a point where I was faced with losing everything…when your fate lies in the hands of the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) you realize what not having control is all about.

I was 28 years old when I was first introduced to the meaning of acceptance.  I can remember my sponsor Vic telling me “you don’t have to like it Jay, but you have to accept it.”  Vic would say that quite often in the early years of my sobriety as I was slowly learning how to accept the fact I would have a developmentally disabled son for the rest of my life.  He would also have to remind me of acceptance at least daily as I obsessed with the thought of going to jail because of my addiction problems. Often times he would tell me to turn what I couldn’t control over to God.

What’s crazy is for control freaks like myself, just letting go and turning something over to God was virtually impossible.  Notice I said was, because at about the 2 year point in my sobriety I had accepted both of the above situations…not because I wanted to…but I knew that I needed to so I prayed and did what I was told.

Two of my favorite books; The Bible and The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous contain some powerful information about acceptance and turning things over to God.

On page 449 of The Big Book, third edition I have the following underlined, circled and highlighted because I’ve read it more than any other piece of written material in my possession.

“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.  When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation–some fact of my life unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it it supposed to be at this moment.  Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.”

“Unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy.  I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.”

And in Philippians 4:6-7…Paul writes one of my favorite Bible verses;

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Acceptance takes work (if you call prayer work) and is not easy but once you are able to do it your growth as a human being becomes unlimited because you become more intensely focused on what you can control (your dreams, attitude and effort) and blind to what you cannot control (other people, places, things and situations).

Acceptance is also a process, it is not an event.  Obviously some situations like death and tragedy take longer to accept, but the amount of work you put towards accepting is directly proportionate to how quickly the acceptance comes.

Practice acceptance one day at a time and peace and joy will be yours one day at a time.

P.E.A.C.E.

jay@eaglelaunch.com