Handling the Holiday “Bomb”

The holiday season is fast approaching and it is no great secret that this is the most difficult time of the year for friends, family and loved ones who are suffering from any type of addiction, whether it be directly or indirectly.

The holiday season stirs additional emotions and feelings that often lay dormat throughout the rest of the year.  The addict medicates these feelings by acting out more and the co-dependent begins to turn on the “old tapes” of the past in anticipation of another Christmas ruined by someone else’s behavior and in turn becomes highly sensitive and reactive.  A type of holiday season BOMB begins to tick and everyone waits in anticipation for the time it will detonate. 

If you are a co-dependent (someone affected by another’s addiction problems) and can relate to this ongoing, continuous cycle of dysfunctional bomb blasts, you happen to be in the right place at this moment in time.

Imagine being faced with a situation where you have found a bomb that needs defused.  If you knew help was available would you try to defuse the bomb yourself or would you seek an expert’s help?  Handling an addict is similar to defusing a bomb.  It is very tricky and will not happen by just loving it more or giving it more life by enabling it. 

The best way to handle an addict, whether active or not, during this time of the year (actually all time of the year) is to let his or her behavior be his or her behavior.  In other words, don’t own it.  A sign that you’ve been sucked into the throws of addiction without ever taking drugs is when your thoughts are consumed the majority of the time by the addict in your life. 

Please note when I use the word addict it applies to all addictions…drugs, alcohol, gambling, food, shopping, sex etc…

As a co-dependent there’s basically two things you need to do in order to quit being obsessed with the BOMB that is ticking in your life and in turn begin enjoying life.

1.  Surround yourself with others who’ve learned they cannot defuse the addict’s behavior and have accepted that fact.  These are people who have learned how to take care of themselves while detaching from the addict.  They choose to no longer have their holidays ruined by the ticking time bomb.  These people can be found in al-anon meetings http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ as well in counseling centers as well as churches who have recovery programs.

2.  Tell the addict you have finally succumbed to the fact that you are unable to defuse him or her and therefore will no longer be a part of the “SWAT” team this year.  And then, with love, tell the addict to seek help from experts who are well versed in dealing with the explosive nature of an addict, i.e. 12 Step meetings, inpatient or outpatient treatment and professional counseling.

Taking these two steps will begin to break the dysfunctional cycle and a new peace will come over you regardless if the bomb gets defused or detonates. 

Make up your mind to not let the BOMB in your life ruin another Thanksgiving or Christmas.  Take action now.

P.S.  The only way an addict stops acting out is when the addict is ready to stop acting out and the quicker you detach from the addict by taking care of yourself, the more time the addict will have to take a look at himself…and maybe figure out he or she has a problem.

P.E.A.C.E.

jay@eaglelaunch.com

One comment on “Handling the Holiday “Bomb”

Leave a Reply