Holy Saturday Reflection
When you read the story of Jesus’ time on Calvary, in the tomb, and out of the tomb, you can’t help but think about what his closest followers were thinking and feeling on that day between it all–Holy Saturday.
From Messiah to “criminal?”
Was this all a sham?
Why, Lord, why?
The most critical three days in history were filled with unknowns, leaving only faith and trust in God to calm the anxiety, fear, and turmoil of Jesus’ most devoted followers.
To the present…
Lori and I have experienced our own version of Holy Saturday.
For forty years, we had no idea what actually caused our Dear Jordan to be given the title of “Special One” in our family.
I took on the victim role early on, believing God was punishing me for my drug addiction by taking it out on our son.
Lori battled thoughts of whether it was something she had done or hadn’t done from his conception to his birth.
I often found myself ruminating on the various potential slips the health care system could have made in getting Jordan the early care he needed.
For the first couple of years of Jordan’s life, the need to know and subsequent pain and anger from not knowing led me deeper and deeper into my pit of addiction.
Then I got sober.
Then I learned acceptance.
I began controlling what I could control.
I let God control the rest.
I quit needing to know and understand everything.
Faith and trust took over.
Recovery was such a beautiful blessing.
A couple of “rare birds” are having a face-off. 🙂
Then my heart and mind opened to the blessing that Jordan was in our life… sometimes a challenging blessing, but still a blessing.
Then, just a bit past Jordan’s fortieth birthday, two weeks ago, we find, through genetic testing, he has a syndrome–PURA Syndrome. A de novo (random) mutation of a gene. It wasn’t inherited; no cause is known, and it’s a VERY rare disorder — only 800 cases worldwide — 1 in 10,000,000.
We knew our little dude was special, but 1 in 10,000,000 makes him extra special.
Credit my wife for her tenacity in getting to the bottom of Jordan’s difficulties, as it was she who kept thinking that advances in genetic testing would surely give us an answer.
Now we know…
And it’s a different feeling.
A feeling of liberation, freedom, and a deeper compassion for Jordan…I still haven’t gotten to the bottom of those feelings and don’t care if I do.
But not knowing for all these years and simply accepting God’s plan made our entire family better.
Back to 2000 years ago…
In a way, I think I know how Jesus’ followers felt on that Holy Saturday some 2000 years ago.
A day of not knowing.
A day of second-guessing.
A day of living with wavering faith.
A day full of “Why God?”
A day of questioning the process.
I can totally relate…
But for all of us, then and now, it was and is all about Letting Go and Letting God…
Being OK with not trying to understand and being OK with not knowing (Tolle)…
Just trusting and having faith while on the journey, encountering and forging through our own versions of Holy Saturdays…knowing all of His endings include an eternal twist beyond our wildest imagination.
That mindset and spiritual disposition make us all better…and it’s freeing and liberating.
I definitely write from experience.
Oh—and is it just me, or does the fact that we discovered this when Jordy turned 40 make it even more profoundly meaningful and divine?
Soul Search
Where in your life is God telling you to release your need to know and understand into His hands?
Where in your life does your fear of not knowing need to be replaced with faith and trust?
Joshua 1:9, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
P.E.A.C.E.
Jay@EagleLaunch.com
