A favorite “quick read” of mine is “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. Long story short…Ruiz focuses on the 4 key elements in creating freedom, peace and happiness in your life.
1. Be impeccable with your word
2. Never make assumptions
3. Don’t take things personally
4. Always give your best effort
A key to recovery is taking a personal inventory at the end of each day. During my inventory I often review these 4 areas outlined in Ruiz’s book and reflect on how well I managed them.
All of us have a weakness in one or more of these areas but in my years of helping people with addiction and codependency problems the “biggy” is taking things personally and second in line is making assumptions and when the two are combined a state of mind that I refer to as a “daymare” most likely will occur.
A daymare is an illogical state of mind that occurs while awake and is a result of combining super sensitivity with incorrect assumptions. For example; “Joe didn’t say hi to me so therefore Joe must not like me.” Or how about this one; “I can’t believe Suzy didn’t thank me for the gift I got her for her graduation, she must not have liked the gift.” Or, “my boss told me I needed to improve my performance, therefore my boss doesn’t like me and I bet one of my co-workers complained to my boss about me.”
I will never forget the time I once “thought” I got snubbed in church by someone because when I attempted to shake his hand he abruptly turned away from me. I “assumed” he was “blowing me off” and it hurt my super sensitive, self-absorbed personality. This situation did not turn into a full blown daymare for me because I used some tools to minimize it, but everytime I saw this person I wondered what I did to tick him off. Then about 6 months after the “snub” I found out this person had minimal vision and was blind. The poor guy didn’t even see me and I just assumed he didn’t like me. Can you say super sensitive?
What a fool I was and can still be if I assume and take things personally. The committee in my head (satan’s committee) loves to create chaos and daymares, and although it happens a lot less now than it used to, I can almost count on it happening when I am self absorbed and isolated.
Preventing daymares is pretty simple…don’t assume and don’t take things personally. Whenever you begin thinking someone is out to get you or doesn’t like you….99% of the time you are incorrect because you simply are not that important. Another tool to use when the “committee” starts stirring things up is to pray the simple “by the blood of Jesus satan/daymares be gone” prayer. If that doesn’t work call your sponsor/accountability partner and LISTEN. Another great way to get out of daymares is to get out of yourself and help someone in need.
Life is too short to be super-sensitive. Learn how to laugh at yourself. One way to know you’ve “made it” is when you can laugh and joke about your own pimples, warts, blemishes and imperfections.
I still laugh at myself today when I think about the time that poor man with impaired vision “offended” me. This is proof to me that I am but one “assumption” away from creating a daymare. How about you?
P.E.A.C.E.
