Letting go and Harvesting

There is a saying “if you get caught up in things over which you have no control, it will adversely affect those things over which you can control.”

The last couple of months of my life have been wrought with situations I would have loved to have had some control over, but I didn’t. Today, the amount of time it takes for me to realize I have no control over a situation is the amount of time I am in an unserene and tumultuous state. I try my hardest not to go there and over the years I’ve been able limit these occurences into “moments” instead of hours, days, weeks and years (I know some people who have been miserable for years about something or many things they have no control over).

When I first got into recovery, my sponsor would often help me handle things I had no control over by having me write down whatever it was that was bothering me. Then he would ask me if I thought I could change what was bothering me and most of the time I could not and when that happened he would help me change my point of view i.e. attitude on what had happened. In the 12 step community this is called naming it, claiming it, and dumping it (identify what is taking your serenity from you, claim it if you can change it or dump it if you can’t change it). If I had trouble changing my point of view about the situation, he would have me “let go and let God” i.e. pray for God to take the burden from me. Often times this involved me asking God for the willingness to forgive another human being who “I thought” had wronged me and that was never easy.

The process I described above has become a habit for me today whenever another person, place or thing is renting space in my brain. I am happy to say that although there are still times when my “unserene” moments bleed beyond moments, these moments occur very rarely these days and this is such a great way to live. What is even cooler is when you can help others see the light also, especially when it is your own kids.

My daughter plays Division I college basketball and the past two seasons have been quite challenging for her. Throughout this time, my wife and I found ourselves often teaching her how to “let go and let God” as well as “naming, claiming and dumping it.” During the preseason of her sophomore year she was running with the first team then she suffered an injury and when she recovered from her injury she was the first person off the bench. I thought this was great, but my daughter did not like having to come off the bench and her attitude indicated this. In order to make a long story short she ended up seeing less and less playing time as the season went on because her attitude was deteriorating. No matter how hard my wife and I tried to tell her she needed to control what she could control, which was her attitude, she just didn’t get it. By the end of the year, she experienced no playing time in her team’s final two games. In college athletics, where most kids are pretty equal in talent, attitude becomes the difference maker. The level of a college athlete’s attitude often determines his or her level of playing time.

After the season was over her coach had a talk with her and was basically encouraging her to hang it up and enjoy the last 2 years of college. The coach knew that Michelle was miserable and she respected Michelle enough to suggest she leave the basketball program in order to relieve her of her misery. What the coach didn’t realize was my daughter’s love for the game and the size of her heart…she was determined she was not going to give up without putting up a fight.

My daughter and I had a few heart to hearts after that season and I kept telling her that she needed to learn how start controlling what she could control (her attitude and effort) or else she would always be miserable. She spent all of last summer (prior to her Junior year) working on her game like never before and even better than that she was working on her attitude. She told my wife and I she had decided she was going to do whatever it took to make the team better during the upcoming basketball season and that meant she was going to work as hard as she could and be a positive influence for the team regardless of her playing time…neither of us were holding our breath over this one.

But, as fate would have it, injury hit her even harder this past season as she needed knee surgery in late December and was unable to play the rest of the season. While my wife and I were feeling sorry for her, as it would have been easy for her to cop an attitude and throw in the towel, she reminded us of her promise to do whatever she could do to make the team better. She became the team’s inspirational leader as she offered up constant words of encouragement to the underclassmen and challenged the upperclassmen to play their hardest at all times. It would have been easy for her to not go to practice or games but she was always there for her team. Her team ended up winning it’s 2nd consecutive Ivy League championship and an NCAA record 16th conference championship. They made it to the NCAA tournament and my daughter was with them all the way. I was so proud of the way she handled this tough set of circumstances.

Then as if this wasn’t enough, she called me from college a couple of weeks ago and said “Dad our team had its awards banquet last night and I received the Spirit Award and I am one of the team Captains for next year.” In all of her sports accomplishments it was these two (the Spirit Award and being named Captain) that I am most proud of. To think the coach gave a very prestigious award to a player who never played a game and named her captain of her team when just a year earlier the coach wanted her out of the program, speaks volumes for what “controlling what you can control” will do for you.

Controlling what we can control and letting go of what we can’t, is the best way to enjoy the harvests and my daughter’s experience is a great example of this.

Throughout the Bible it talks about reaping what we sow and harvesting what we plant. Paul says it best in Galatians 6:9 “So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.”

Paul wrote that scripture for my daughter as well any of us who question why we should keep our head up when the chips are down or why we should continue to do whats right when it doesn’t seem to matter.

So many people hold onto to things they cannot control for way too long, and in turn miss out on the harvests. Letting go and letting God, choosing to control our attitude, and always trying to do what is good, despite the circumstance, is the best way to guarantee a harvest of blessing.

P.E.A.C.E.